So you want to be happy. The question is why aren’t you happy already? This has been plaguing me for quit some time since it seems that when building a business you always hear about your “why”. The why that makes you cry… I have seen videos people have done about their why that made me cry. But a why is not enough.
Ultimately you are trying to fulfill some need to be happy. Somewhere along the line you are not satisfied with some aspect of your life and you know you need to change it. Understanding the formula for being happy can help you figure out how to move forward rather than blaming circumstances.
While listening to Tony Robbins the other day it hit me that I am happy. My life lines up with what I expected, what I wanted my life to look like, so why should I want more? I have also been participating in a coaching program where I needed to examine my goals. Because I am happy, I was finding conflict in trying to design a better plan. Then I learned that there are two things that make us happy growing and giving.
Tony talks about creating a new story in this video. If you want to be happy you need to create a life that matches what you have lined up in your own mind to equal happiness or success and you need to be making progress.
Tony talks about people who are suffering or are depressed because their life story isn’t or hasn’t gone the way they anticipated that it would go. For some of these people it is because of circumstances beyond their control and they can not change the situation. He offers some guidance about changing their blueprint.
Ultimately we need to look at what is the underlying emotion that we have attached to the story we want to live. Really you can create any life you want at any time you want.
We did an exercise at an event that I went to this year. The exercise was to think of what we wanted and then ask the question, “and what would that do for you” You keep asking yourself the question until you get to the bed rock reason or emotion behind what is driving you. For me it was the word significance. I have a strong need to be significant. For others it was a need to be loved, to participate in the lives of their children more, to build an empire, to help others. These are few of the reasons that I know of from people who attended the event.
Once you understand what is driving you, you can create a blueprint and a plan to move forward to satisfy that need. Knowing what you need to focus on keeps you from thinking about lack. It allows you to create from a position of strength, how ever you wish to envision your life.
Ultimately you have two choices if your life is not going the way you expected it to go. You can make some changes and/or you can change your blueprint. You could also blame something or someone else or you could blame yourself. Until you decide to do something differently you will remain in the place where you are. Blaming might make you think you feel better for a bit, it isn’t a long term solution and often turns to bitterness and that will kill you.
The thing about being people is that once we achieve our blueprints, we will want more. In my case, my life matches my blueprint of how I think life should be, that is why I can say I am so happy. What I recognized from this video that Tony did was that it was okay to want more and he allowed me to shift my thinking that wanting more was not being ungrateful for where I am now. That the true secret to happiness is to keep growing and to keep giving.
Let’s look at what is your blueprint, what is your story about how your life is supposed to be, how your life supposed to go. First try the “and what would that mean for you exercise”. To do this sit quietly and think about what you really want – what does your blueprint tell you about how life is supposed to be? Once you get that in your mind, then ask yourself, what would that mean for you? Do this several times even if you think you can’t think of another reason, sit quietly until the real emotion or reason comes to the surface. Now that you understand what is driving you consider these two questions:
- What is an area in your life that you are really happy about, where you succeed and why are you happy about it?
- What is an area in your life that you would like to improve. Your body, your relationships, your finances, your career?
If your life conditions don’t meet your blueprint then you will have pain.
So how can you change this?
- What is the emotion behind your success story?
- What is the emotion behind why you want to improve the other area in your life
Write down what you would like your life to be like, in detail and then write down three steps you can take right now to get you on the track that would make that happen for you. Find someone who has already achieved the story you wish to achieve and do what they did. It is okay to find several “somebodys”, see what they each did to achieve the results you are looking to achieve and duplicate the things that over lap all of them.
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